Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
