Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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