and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
