I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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