Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
