Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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