One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
