Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
