My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
how does that bad decision feel?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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