You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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