i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
