FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
