you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize