ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
