So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
