I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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