You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
