it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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