I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
