soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
