theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
