I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Randomize
