My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
