he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Vodka?
Forever.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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