Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
