You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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