If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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