Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
