Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
