why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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