so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
