I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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