mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
