I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
