we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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