we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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