I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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