going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
