Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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