I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Come see our sink grown plant.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
