He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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