i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
