It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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