grandma shit on top of the toilet
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
