So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
