OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
