Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
