It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
