i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
