Duck Duck Cougar?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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