I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
