You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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