census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
