My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I think pants incapable of making pants work
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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