There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
