What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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