He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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