She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
