I heard we made out
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
