Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
