Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
