Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
