I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
