Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
