It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
