What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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