Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
