I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
