It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
