I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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