im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
